Dear (Mr/Miss/Mrs) Riley/Reilly,

I wonder if you could help me: I would like to live the life of Riley/Reilly. Literally.

My name is Paul, and I’m a writer and comedian, (in a sort of Dave Gorman vein), and am currently doing lots of things literally to reclaim the word “literally”. I am currently doing a (well-reviewed) stand-up comedy show, and writing a “Literally” book due to come out in mid-2011.  I literally teach an old dog new tricks, literally bite off more than I can chew, go to Hell and back, literally lose my marbles, etc. In October I plan to literally keep up with the Joneses. This project all started when I literally cycled from A to B. It was after travelling from A to B that I realised how crucial the L-word was, and how eroded my efforts were by the constant misuse of “literally”.

So what I would like to do, is to live the life of someone named Riley/Reilly for a day or two. Ideally this would include doing your chores, doing some aspect of your job, spending time with your mates/family/spouse, playing in any sports team, etc.

That’s a pretty big ask admittedly, but I’m just trying to find one Riley/Reilly with whom I can spend some interesting time whether it be a Radio5live presenter, cartoonist, or Countdown numbers person, or everyday Joe (Riley/Reilly).  As long as it has nothing to do with the BBC sitcom The Life of Riley which is so bad it bring tears to the eyes.

I am not a nutter. I am quite a lovely man, “wonderfully affable” even, according to Three Weeks, or “amiable” according to The Scotsman. If I need to persuade further, I’d like to offer anyone called Riley/Reilly two free tickets to any of my Literally shows until I have literally lived the life of Riley/Reilly. If any Riley/Reilly is reading this before Wednesday (28th) night - please do come to my next show - THE POLISH CLUB, ST PAUL’S ROAD, CLIFTON, BRISTOL. FREE/£5 SUGGESTED DONATION TO WATERAID. BOOK HERE! (though you don’t really have to book - as I’ll be taking the £5 off you at the door.

If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask.

Many thanks,

Paul

parryphernalia@btinternet.com